How To Be A Better Ally
Yesterday, the Glass House Resource Center, Tyler Area Gays+ (TAG+), and East Texas Rainbow Network came together for a “How to be a better Ally” class. We had a lovely turn out, met new members of our community, and shared the actionable items it requires to be a true ally. Doug, the partner of our Executive Director Erin Bailey, spoke from the Ally perspective. We were all very touched by his speech, so we share it with you now.
Good afternoon, Merriam-Webster defines an ally as one that is associated with another as a helper; a person or group that provides assistance and support in an ongoing effort, activity, or struggle. My name is Doug Dickerson and my pronouns are he/him. I am a Marine veteran as well as a veteran of the conflict in Afghanistan. Up to a few years ago, I would have considered myself more of a republican and would have been more likely to have been part of a protest on the other side yelling slurs instead of words of hope, encouragement, and kindness. With all that being said, you may wonder why I am here before you and why I decided to become an ally when I am a straight and clearly East Texan male. There are several answers to that question that i hope to help you understand today.
I believe that a lack of acceptance and an attitude of intolerance is one of the biggest issues our society faces and has been a root cause to several historical events. More specifically it has led to LGBTQIA+ bullying, homophobia, and heterosexism has caused many tragedies. It has caused the tragedy of beautiful and talented queer adults and kids no achieving the success the could in their lives. It has caused untold amounts of hurt, suffering, and depression to people just trying to live their lives. Anti-queer bullying is a common and extremely serious problem, and I have no desire to sit by and watch it wreck so many innocent people’s lives. That’s probably the main reason I am an ally, because it is the right thing to do.
I strongly believe that anti-queer bullying not only negatively impacts the queer community, but also creates an environment in which no one can feel comfortable being who they are and expressing themselves due to the fear of being judged, labeled, bullied, is harassed. A hostile environment where people are more worried about becoming a victim is not conducive to a healthy society or healthy people. My hope as an ally is that everyone will be able to live their life as they want and just focus on being the best person they can be. I want those who I consider myself to be an ally to be free of the gender stereotypes that would stifle their ability to live the life they want to and deserve.
I believe that if you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor and that is not the side I want to find myself on and hopefully neither do you. As an ally, you find yourself in a position to be the change you often want to see. You will find yourself in a position to break down walls between the queer communities and their straight peers and remove the feelings of isolation that often exist. You can also be the voice for people who are still in the closet and cannot speak up for themselves, be a supporter for those who are coming out or need someone to talk to, and to fight alongside the queers who have worked so hard to achieve a safer and more inclusive society.
So what can you do to become a better ally? First of all, be accepting. Accept people for who they are and don’t make assumptions about them. Be a good listener and listen to the experiences of queer people and be open to learning. You are always able to learn more about those you care about. Make yourself visible by attending events and rallies to show your support for the community. Always challenge discrimination. Call out homophobic, transphobic, or biphobic behavior or actions. Support businesses, charities, or initiatives owned or operated by queer people. Always be mindful of your language and use terms that the queer community use to describe themselves and introduce yourself with your pronouns even if you think it is obvious. Be humble. Accept feedback and corrections. I am not the best ally there is and neither are you. Take action and advocate for queer people, raise awareness, and defend the community. Be aware of your privilege and recognize where you hold an advantage and use your influence to advocate for others. And finally, do not tolerate harassment of bullying in your space.
Being an ally is something I would encourage everyone to do. You will certainly face some challenges like I have of losing those close to you due to differing, bigoted views. You might even have your masculinity questioned by people who can not understand why a straight male would be friends with queer people and those people are simply insecure in either their self or their sexuality. On the other hand, you will also have many great experiences and meet so many amazing people from simply being an ally. I have learned so much about myself by simply taking the time to learn about others. Meeting and talking with those that just a few years ago I would not have found myself having conversations with has allowed me to be more open and vulnerable. I have learned how much privilege I truly have and how to use that as good for others. I have also realized how to truly listen and that I wasn’t necessarily the best at that before. I have also made so many great friends that if I had stayed in my small, bigoted, and uneducated world that I would not have met otherwise. At the end of the day, I feel very proud to be a part of a movement that involves people of all different sexual orientations and gender identities, joined together for a great cause. I am also proud to now be able to call them my friends and myself their ally.